As some of you know and others don’t, one of my part-time jobs is being a night receptionist in a hotel. I basically just sit here and do nothing, unless the waiters get lazy and I have to clean instead of them.
To tell you the truth I have no idea how I’ll write this post because I’m writing it after midnight, at work, seriously sleep deprived, as this is my 4th night in a row that I’m awake. So yeah, today I’ll share my adventures and thoughts that pop into my head when I’m forced to be awake.
Welcome in my head.
Oh great… I have 4 buckets of silverware to polish. How can they (waiters) be so lazy, they literally did nothing in the last hour since I’m here. It’ll take me a whole night to do it alone…
Done, done, done! MOVIE NIGHT!!!!
What should I watch? …
There’s literally nothing I’d be interested in watching right now…
I think my brain’s fried… /laughs like an idiot at nothing/
Oh come on, I locked my key card inside…
How can I get in?….
There should be the thingy to open those locks somewhere…
/finds the thingy/
I need a password for it… No one ever told me the pass for this thing…
Luckily I have the whole night to figure it out…
/doors magically unlocks after 5 min of trying, I still don’t know the password/
Would people mind if I’d start blasting music at 3am?…
I wonder what would happen if I’d schedule some tweets on hotels twitter profile….
/spams my twitter with music videos/
/foreign guests walk in and no one knows English/
Just give me our ID’s or passports or something. I’ll improvise.
No worries just get in your room and leave me alone. I don’t understand you…
What language do you speak anyway?
/older foreign guest rushes to me and starts explaining something/
Please stop talking, I don’t know what you’re saying.. Just show me…
/leads me to her room/
How in the hell did your adult daughter lock herself in the bathroom, when there are NO KEYS in the bathroom doors?! (We removed the keys so this couldn’t happen)
I need to find the key…
/tells the woman in the bathroom that I have to find the key and leaves/
There’s like hundred bathroom keys, how am I supposed to know which one to use?!
Screw it, I’m breaking in that bathroom with a screwdriver.
No, I can’t make you food.
No, I don’t have it…
No, the kitchen is out of order until the cook gets to work.
It’s 3 am, what’s wrong with you?!
I need sleep…..
So hyper /running through the empty hallways/
I’m sleep deprived and I feel funny…..
Like a drunken chick in the back of a Hummer…
I walk a lonely road.
The only one that I have ever known.
Don’t know where it goes.
But it’s home to me and I walk alone….
I could totally have a radio show, but I can’t cause ya’ll would need subtitles to understand my crappy spoken English.
I wonder if people would mind if I’d try to hypnotize them…
Coworker: Hey girl!
Coworker: Oi, can you….
Coworker: Get your skinny ass over here
Coworker: Night girl, you’re needed in the kitchen.
(He can’t remember my name no matter what, c’mon dude, I work with you for almost a year.)
Coworker: When guests come they will be drunk ignore them and lock the bar. They will get here straight from the festival.
Me: What if..
Him: No. Lock the bar and lock yourself in the reception cabin. From now on you don’t speak English.
Me: How about German?
Him: No they are Germans… Just ignore them so they’ll go to their rooms as soon as possible.
(It was sweet cause he seemed worried haha)
Oh… A security camera…
Why is the security feed screen in the basement? No one checks it here. I’d need that in my cabin so I could keep an eye on everything…
Why is there security feed from the camera outside freely accessible on the internet?
Maybe I should go out…
/hears weird noises and remembers that the hotel is literally in the middle of nowhere/
Nope, nope, nope… I don’t want to die.
/Thoughts while in arguments online/
- Have you even read what I wrote. I’m not from your country and my country has different rules for what you’re describing.
- Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, hon…
- You can’t just say it’s and scientific fact for something that you just made up!
- I’m too tired for this…
- What if I would just… Not hold back anymore… Wait, no I don’t want to be blamed for any mental damage.
It’s midnight and you’re watching the “Twisted after midnight”
Twitter’s always the same… It doesn’t get creepy after midnight…
I’ll just spam my friend on Skype, she’ll only notice it in the morning anyway.
What should I do if something goes wrong here? … Run, I’d definitely just run, guests can take care of themselves.
This German guy is extremely drunk, but fun… It’s interesting to talk to him, but at the same time, I need him to go sleep already.
- Please, please, please. Try to pick only one language to speak in. I know you’re German, but your german infused English is really hard to understand…
- Yes, I understand German, no I can’t speak it…
- Okay fine, I’ll attempt to give some CPR to my half dead German skills and attempt to communicate with you in German… Because I have no idea what you’re trying to say when you attempt to speak English.
1 Lemon, 2 lemons, 3 Tequila shots.
4 cups, 5 cups, Vodka and Scotch.
I want coffee…
/press random button on the coffee machine/
How do you even use this thing…
I’m hungry, why isn’t there any food left…
Maybe I could just eat potato chips…
That’s way too expensive. I’ll rather stay hungry.. what the heck…
You seem interesting… I wonder what your name is… Oh, nevermind I have your ID.
Just smile and nod, smile and nod… It’s in your job description to be nice to guests, so you can’t yell at him and send him to bed.
I’m mentally killing you right now… I am inventing new ways to kill you right now
I’m so bloody tired. I feel like my asshole part just got a free ticket out and my nice part is hiding somewhere… Please don’t let anyone come right now because I’ll be really mean to them.
You smell nice. Can I hug you and use you as a pillow?
I should write about the Bible in my next blog… And about people and aliens and animals and … Oh, that’s a nice picture!
I wonder what (insert name) is doing…
I don’t know why I keep complaining about this job, It’s not that bad…
/5 min later/
I’m so tired this is the worst job ever!!!
I’m coming home, coming home.
Tell the world I’m coming home.
P.s.: All that’s written before this paragraph was written while I was at work. I did not edit it, or read it because I might change my mind if I did, also I want to keep it the way I wrote it the first time. I might embarrass myself with this post, but I don’t really care. I hope you enjoyed it. Don’t make me regret posting this haha.